The Scars of War
by Lost Wolf
Summary: **Revised** A Series of Songfics, this follows the story of Quatre and his search to understand war
1. Fight For Your Life

Title: Fight For Your Life (Part I of The Scars of War)  
Song: "Its My Life" by Jon Bon Jovi

  


The time of the year is spring and as I look around I see many flowers in bloom, the reds, pinks, and other colors coming up from the ground are beautiful. Being in a war, I don't have much time to appreciate these simple pleasures, so I take them wherever I can. Seems today, OZ is taking a little break, so I guess I'm taking advantage of the situation. The other Gundam pilots have gone off to complete separate missions and well I was left here just to keep an eye on OZ in Africa, so I get a little break.

As I headed to the outskirts of the town I looked off into the distance and saw a small group of what seemed to be mobile suits, as a precaution I decided to get into Sandrock and check on them just to see what they were doing.

_"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted"_

I was able to find a good position behind a relatively large rock formation, as I was able to get a close look I had confirmed that they were OZ mobile suits, and that they were my next target, I accepted this as my task and was ready to move out against them. 

_"No silent prayer for the faith-departed"_

I grabbed both my shortels and planned out how I would move in and take out the suits, I knew that I would need to take them all out and fast before the city became a war zone, and all the civilians became targets, the one thing this war doesn't need is more casualties, and I'm here to defend them. 

"This war is so pointless, all we are doing is stopping one group from taking over another, we pick the best of two different evils, and based on that, hundred of thousands of people will die, and this is our mission." I spoke out loud, needed to get that at least out, it has been a burden for a while and well its what I believe, and yet here I am ready to destroy more lives yet again.

_"I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd. You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud."_

I headed off into the direction of the suits and launched off the missiles toward the group of suits, the missiles exploded and destroyed two of the suits, the rest of the group, I judged approximately 5-8 suits turned and began to fire.

"Just as I figured, blindingly following orders, they don't even realize they are pawns in a much bigger game, and Treize the game master of the whole war. Well I won't allow it! THE GAME ENDS NOW TREIZE!!!" I yelled as I raised the shortels and drove them straight down two of the suits.

_"It's my life, it's now or never"_

Suddenly I saw up above more suits were being deployed. Three additional shuttles flew overhead and were dropping in more suits, this battle just became much more difficult.

"Damn! Oz laid a trap for me, and I feel right into it, well I can't leave now, so I will fight them all, or die trying"

_"I ain't gonna live forever, I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life"_

 The Ammunition being fired from the other suits was beginning to take its effect on my suit, I ignored it and continued, I took the shortels and slashed at the next two suits I could see, I then took the sky and used the shortels to try and take out the incoming units. Suddenly a transmission from one of the shuttles came in

"Gundam Pilot, we have more units on the way, surrender now, or we will be forced to destroy you and your gundam, followed by the entire city you are attempting to protect" The transmission ended with the man snickering. I don't know whether it was a bluff or were they serious, I don't know, but I don't have a choice, I must defend my friends and destroy these tyrants, now is the time to end this.

"This is ridiculous, I am just here slaughtering people and for what, they don't even know what their doing, they're here because of orders, I'm here to save lives, I guess I was given the job to educated these mindless pawns."

_"My heart is like an open highway"_

I continued the vicious assault on the mobile suits I hacked and slashed through a good number of them and many were destroyed, then I saw off in the distance even more were coming.

"When will they give up? They just keep sending more men to the slaughter, I don't even think I'm worth all these lives, but all they care about is my own death, not even the death of their own soldiers, who could possibly think this way?" In my own heart I knew the answer, Treize Kushrenada.

Another shot had hit my gundam, and I was shaken quite bit, and I headed back on the offensive, right back to using my shortels and ending many more lives of the ignorant soldiers, who were conned and used by a military genius and a man who could easily intimidate those who were weaker than him.

_"Like Frankie said I did it my way"_

I looked around the perimeter and saw the suits were all destroyed, I felt bad for what I had done, and yet I knew it needed to be done. I was also slightly injured, I held my left arm, it seemed to have been broken, I didn't know and at this point I didn't care. It doesn't compare to all the lives I had just taken away.

_"It's my life"_

I got out of my gundam and walked over to a nearby mobile suit, it wasn't completely destroyed, but it was damaged beyond repair, I opened the hatch and saw the pilot, he had blood stains on his arms and chest, I stood in front of him, and I almost broke into tears.

I knew that I needed to do this, but I had taken more lives away, more innocent human beings were killed. The soldier in the cockpit seemed to still be alive and he was able to say something to me.

"Gundam…..Pilot, ….I have a request for you *Cough* I know…..that you are human and much like us, we have lives as well, I want you to tell this person, that she's is the greatest thing in my life, and she was in my final thoughts….." he handed me the picture and he blanked out. I stood there frozen, 

"Why didn't he think I wouldn't kill him? Did he know I was just another human being? Was he doing more than blindingly following orders?"

_"This is for the ones who stood their ground"_

I turned the picture over and read what was written, it said:

_Dear Jonathan,_

_            I miss you so much John, I want to see you again. This war has separated us and each day I feel I grow farther and farther apart from you. I miss you and I need you. The war has divided our relationship and I feel that I'm slipping away from you. What if you get hurt? What if you get killed? I don't think I could survive without you. John, I love you with all my heart, I wait until you return to me, and I pray for your safe return._

_Forever yours,_  
_Julie_

So this young woman's boyfriend I just killed, and these people are not mindless, they all have lives just like me. They have loved ones and family and friends too. We were all placed in the situation of war and we all fought for our lives, and some have lost but they never gave up.

_"For Tommy and Gina who never backed down"_

"This is what we fight for, not for peace, not for power, for our own lives!! So why are we fighting these wars!! Without the wars we would have no need to fight for our lives!!! These are just massive slaughters!!!" I was overwhelmed, my anger and sadness rushed through me as if a sharp pain over came me, I fell to my knees and began to cry, for all those who must suffer the pain, the torture, and the agony of war.

_"Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake. Luck ain't even lucky, got to make your own breaks"_

I knew that what that man asked me to do, would be done. It was only right, I will find Julie and tell her what he had told me. I don't know how she will react but it was his last request and he deserves it, all soldiers do, those who die shamelessly in battle deserver much more than they get, they die defending their own lives. And that is all they can do, being put in the situation they're in. I am out to defend all life, for no man deserves to die unless they are out to risk other people's lives. I am to fight for life, and for peace, for with peace lives will no longer be in danger.

_"It's my life and it's now or never. 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive"_

This is my cause, to live life to the fullest and to defend it. I rose from the ground, and left the battlefield, the sky had begun to rain, it seemed that the sky reflected them mourning of all those soldiers families, friends and loved ones. This was a planned nightmare, set up by Treize, and now I'm gonna give him payback, for not only the damage he has done to me, but to all the soldiers and human beings he's played as pawns and sacrificed for his own gains. I will fight you, and no one will control me because

_"Its my…"_

"Life…."

  


- Lost Wolf

Note: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters, story, etc. I also do not own the song "Its My Life" which was sung by Jon Bon Jovi.


	2. Life's Conflict

Title: Life's Conflict (Part II of The Scars of War)  
Song: "Where are you going" By Dave Matthews Band  
  
  


I walked back toward my apartment the picture clenched in my hand, I was still in shock I hadn't even realized that my left arm was still in bad shape. I knew that I needed to get it checked out before I left for Julie's house. Plus I needed to find out where she lived, so I knew I had much that still needed to be done. I stopped and headed toward the hospital instead as it seemed more tears were falling from the sky. I walked into the hospital entrance and looked at the receptionist, she just blankly stared at me, I was soaking wet, and there was some evidence of blood on my arms. I felt as if I had the tears and the blood of all those I had hurt or killed today.

"Can I speak with a doctor please?" I asked, she was still in a daze but she slowly responded.

"Umm, yes, right this way please" I attempted to give her a smile but it seemed it didn't work.

_"Where are you going"_

She led me to a small room, and told me the doctor would be in soon, my arm was in pain and well I felt I deserved it, for what I caused, this is more of a testament to whose lives I have taken away from. I sat there quietly when the doctor strolled in.

"Good evening, I see you're not in very good shape." I glanced at the doctor and responded to him

"No, my left arm is in a lot of pain, I think it might be broken, the rest is minor cuts and bruises, I just wanted my arm x-rayed" I knew that I sounded a little rushed for time, but I didn't need to go through the whole caring patient doctor bit.

"Alright then, we will get you into x-ray right away" the doctor then left me alone again.

_"With your long face pulling down, don't hide away"_

Loneliness I think will be my undoing, I have such a hard time being separated from other people. The mind is a dangerous thing, and when left to wander, you can become too delusional. This war can drive many people insane and many people are forced to question everything that they had thought was right in their mind. 

_"Like an ocean that you can't see but you can smell"_

The doctor came back in and instructed me to follow him into the x-ray room, I followed and then was given the lead jacket for protection and then had my arm x-rayed, the doctor then directed me back to the room, and he left again, off to get the results. I waited patiently trying to remain a sane state and keep my composure, then the doctor came in.

"Well you were right, it's a break right here" the doctor pointed out on the x-ray, it was a bad break, I new I would be out with this injury for a while.

"So what's next then doctor?" I looked trying to look concerned, although it was totally faked 

"Well we will get a cast to hold the bones in place and then we will place your arm in a sling for further protection" He walked off to get the necessary items and I was left again to myself.

Man how I want to talk to someone, I wish one of the other pilots was here, I have to make sure I get in touch with them when I get home. I mean, in this wasteland of lost sanity, only those who have experienced what you have can help and be their as a friend and a support, and that's what I need now. The doctor came back in with all the necessary supplies, he fixed up the cast and the sling, I thanked him and paid him. Then I left, I could still feel the receptionists eyes, almost glaring at me. I shook it off and headed back outside into the storm.

_"And the sound of the waves crash down"_

The lightning was striking and the rain was coming down harder, it seemed the heavens wanted to wash away the blood and destroy the remains of the war, but with man out in search of ultimate power, that goal will never be achieved. I ran for my apartment building and walked in, I rushed up the stairs and into my apartment, and I went into my room and changed. I then sat down and just broke into tears, I thought it was so random but I needed too, today's events were so overpowering that I couldn't hold it in anymore

_"I am no superman, I have no reasons for you"_

I decided to call up Trowa and see where he was, I knew him the best out of the pilots and I knew I could talk to him. I dialed up the number and it rang.

"Hello" It was Trowa

"Trowa, am I so glad to hear your voice" My spirits lifted like a 150% percent.

"Quatre, what's going on?" It seemed he didn't expect my call.

"Today was rough, OZ set a trap for me, and I fell into it, I broke my arm, and now I'm out of the scene for the while, other than that, it just was a really rough day on my heart and mind" I didn't want to hold back to him, but I did cause I didn't want him think I was losing it.

"I know what you mean, well my mission has been accomplished here, the base was destroyed and with the greatest of ease, it seems they were just planning for you" He was so cocky, I didn't care though, I needed someone to talk too.

_"Where you are is where I belong"_

"Well, you think you could come here? I could really use someone to talk too"

"Sure Quatre, I should be there tomorrow evening, just gotta get everything set here" I smiled at his reply

"Alright Trowa, I'll see you tomorrow then, night"

"Night Quatre" I hung up and just took a sigh of relief.

_"I do know where you go is where I want to be"_

I knew next I needed to send the information to Heero and find the location of Julie so I could meet up with here and finishes that mans last request. I grabbed my laptop and booted it up, I logged on to the Internet and connected the scanner I had, I scanned the picture and emailed the picture asking him to check all databases possible for a match with the name and picture, I hoped he would have it for me tomorrow. It was getting late so I decided I should get some sleep I headed into my bed and just laid there thinking about all the events of the day.

_"Where are you going? Where do you go?"_

Why was I chosen to endure this, sent on a mission to stop the OZ organization, from what over taking the earth? Does it matter, I mean at this point if we stop OZ the Earth Sphere Alliance will take over, then they will be our target, it's a vicious meaningless cycle, with all our lives being hung in the balance. It's so hard to be human and a soldier at the same time, that's why so many make a choice, human or soldier, I can't make that choice and I _NEVER_ will. I am in such an emotional mess, I needed to get some rest maybe I could clear this up in the morning.

_"Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?"_

--------

I woke up the next morning and it seemed the sky had cleared up and it looked like its was going to be a nice day, my first struck of good luck in a while. I walked over to my sink and washed up, I knew that if I was going to see Julie today, I needed to look presentable. I then went over to my laptop and booted it up; I checked the mail and Heero had replied. He knew I got hurt so Trowa must have talked to him after I got off, figures. He left the information I needed. It was a short drive, but she was in Cairo, so I could go and be back in time to see Trowa. 

_"If along the way you are grown weary you can rest with me until a brighter day and you're ok"_

I got dressed in some nice close and walked down to my car out in front of the apartment building. I got in and began to drive, I realized it was little more difficult with one hand but I was able to drive cautiously. Looking out in the city it was amazing to see how life had returned to normal people were out and bout, children were playing, and it was all without a care. They don't even realize how much this city was in danger not even 24 hours ago, and how many people died by my hands. I drove out of the city and headed to Cairo. For the rest of the trip I just attempted to think about how I would address her, I mean she could take this the really wrong way, but I am doing this by the mans request, not hers. I glanced at the email sitting in the passenger seat, and followed the directions until I pulled up into her drive way. I walked up and knocked on the door, I felt as if I was tempting fate. 

A woman of medium stature opened the door, her medium size curly hair dropped a little below shoulder level and her brown eyes were fixed on my sling, as if I was here for medical attention. I looked at her, and she turned her eyes up to me.

"Hello Julie" she stood a little shocked, and then a little annoyed

"How did you know my name?" she asked rather angrily. I handed her the picture with the note on the back and se went back into her state of shock look.

"I was sent here by your boyfriend miss" I felt awkward, almost intimidated by this woman, but I knew what I needed to do. She immediately invited me in and we both sat down at a table.

_"I am no superman" _

"What…..happened to him?" she asked fearing the worst

_"I have no answers for you"_

"He's dead, and I was responsible" I was in a state of fear, for her reaction, but I did not expect what she did, she was crying.

"I went up to him and he gave me that picture and asked me to tell you that he loved you with all his heart and he was thinking of you before he died" she was still in tears, I couldn't help this woman. She had every right.

"I don't know what's left anymore, this war is pointless, and I don't want to fight anymore, but we are all fighting for our lives, I'm sorry your boyfriend was caught in the struggle" She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and asked

"…Please Leave" and I followed her request and left, I felt terrible for her.

_"I am no hero, oh that's for sure"_

The drive home felt much longer than the drive there. I was just left thinking of what I had done to that woman, I shattered her hopes her dreams and her future with that man. Why did I have to tell her? Why did I feel compelled to listen to that man? How can I go and kill so many people and yet still contain morals to do the right thing? I couldn't answer my own questions. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to fight, I want peace to come back to the world, and all people can live, and they don't have to fight for it. I had finally made it home, I went up to my apartment and sat at the table, the sunset was so beautiful I continued to think to myself.

_"Where are you going? Where do you go?"_

Why do I continue this? I mean fighting like this is pointless. I want to help all people and not just fight on a side, I mean, when people are threatening my life than I must defend myself, but when I initiate the attack, I am massacring innocent lives. I desire not to be hated, but to be loved, I do not want anyone to suffer based on what I have done, and yet that has already happened. 

_"I am no hero, oh, that's for sure"_

I pull out of my pocket a gun and put it on the table. I could end it here, and stop it myself; it would be retribution for all those I have killed and save me from having to ruin anyone else's life. This would be fair punishment for what I had done. I reached for the gun but suddenly another hand stopped mine and picked up the gun.

_"I do know where you go is where I want to be."_

"….What are you doing?" It was Trowa!

"I was paying retribution for all those people I have killed" Trowa placed the gun in his pocket, not before he took out all of the bullets.

"That's too easy, Quatre did you think of anyone else before you moved for that gun?" he looked at me, he was totally serious

"Yes, everyone I have killed or hurt." Trowa shook his head  
  


"What about those people who would be hurt by _your_ death?" He looked at me, he knew what to say and he had hit it right on the dot. My eyes seemed to well up again; I placed my head down and began to cry again. 

_"Where are you going? Where do you go?"_

Trowa placed his hand on my shoulders and said

"Its ok, someone is here for you now, relax, and let it out"

_"Let's go…"_

  


- Lost Wolf

(Note: I don't own GW or anything about it, I also don't own "Where Are You Going" which is sung by Dave Matthews Band)

(Part III – Where does this leave Quatre? Will he fight, or will he not? Hold for part III in the Scars of War)


End file.
